Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
