I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
