What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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