he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
