he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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