Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
