I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
