The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
