She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
