the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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