Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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