i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
