He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
