i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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