Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
