i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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