Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
