yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
