Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
only you would photoshop your dick
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
