You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
