I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
