i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
