You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
