how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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