My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
