Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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