Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
