i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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