I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
