I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
