How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
