Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
