I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
