Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think i got beer on your cat.
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