I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
