finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
