my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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