I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
