Your tits are I can't wait for
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
