If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
