I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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