So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
