i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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