last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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