i just sent this text using only my big toe
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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