so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
