Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
