So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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