You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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