Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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